Family Business
Advisor & Coach

Sucking it up

In preparing for my recent seminar on Conflict in Family Business: Prevention and Cure, I was reminded of the differences between managing conflict and resolving conflict. Most of us feel that we have to resolve conflict as in facing it head on and having one side prevail or collaborate towards a third story solution.

While there are many times that it is necessary to bring the combative parties together and come to a firm decision, there are times when it may be beneficial to manage the conflict and still have a good outcome for the family and the family business.  Here are some other options:

Avoidance

The issue itself just does not warrant the hard work of resolution—what is the expression –“the funeral ain’t worth the candle.” This requires folks to shine a bright light on what is troubling them and assess whether it will really make such a big difference in their lives if the disagreements are debated and a position established.

Could it be that we just want our point of view to prevail no matter what the costs to ourselves and others?  Maybe some things are best left under the carpet if the bump is not too big.  There are things that are sometimes better left unsaid.

Suck it up

When we work with family members in a business, the consequences of conflict go far beyond the results of some business decision regarding strategy or execution or any task.  Even if the issue is one that you feel strongly about, you could decide to give in to the other person without generating any struggle between the two of you.

Sure you may sulk for a while, and avoid the other person for a bit and that may be a better outcome than seeking resolution to every disagreement. Sometimes one person needs to recognize and decide that the greater good is served by just swallowing it down, as we say in TT.

Cut out:

There are times when the differences in value systems are so extreme that the best option for managing conflict is for one of the parties to exit the system. Of course my preference is for the execution of a previously agreed upon buy sell arrangement in an amicable manner.  This outcome often serves family relations best and I have seen cases where one sibling and his branch leave the family business and relationships within the original family of origin improve tremendously with that person.

None of these options is superior or inferior to resolving conflict. Each situation must be assessed as it occurs.  The challenge is to be emotionally intelligent enough to discern the right approach for each issue and situation.

What mechanisms do you employ for managing conflict in your family business? How is that serving the entire system?